It is easy to think of life as a series of to-do items and feel like you’re failing if you aren't checking them off fast enough or in the "right" order. Your life is an epic story that you are writing with all its plot twists, heartbreaks, and beautiful moments. I often have clients who feel like they are missing out, they are doing life wrong, or feel as if there is something wrong with them that they don’t feel the need for some of the things they are supposed to want. People often beat themselves up for not being married already or their career not being where they think it should be. It is as though someone handed them the outline of someone else’s book and expected them to write it! Take that outline crumple it up and THROW IT AWAY!

There is no right way to live a life; no right order things must be done in.

I did things entirely "out of order". I started college and then got married before I finished. I went back to school to finish college after I had my first child because that was when I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I started a business before I finished my schooling because one part of my career was ahead of the other part. I could have tried to hold myself to the checklist (college, marriage, buy a home, have a child, etc.) but then I would have missed out on amazing experiences that have enriched my life and enriched the steps I did “out of order”. Having attended college both as a fresh-faced freshman and then again as a working adult gave me a unique experience and I found that I valued different things from college later in life. I did it my way and I have built a life I love that is just right for me and you can too!

All of our experiences are valuable and contribute to the beauty of the story we are writing.

Tip 1: Consider where the expectations about your life are coming from? Some common sources of life expectations are our family, the culture we grow up in, our religious communities, and even tv-shows and movies.

Tip 2: Explore your values. What really matters to you and why? What difference would it make for you to prioritize the things that really matter to you?

Tip 3: Make your own list of life intentions based on what you value. What are the important chapters you would like to include in your story? How do those chapters fit in with the story you are already writing? Leave room in your intentions for the unexpected twists and turns that life takes; your plans are a rough draft and subject to change.

May you write a beautiful story,

Angela Hayes, MS, LMFT-A, Master Certified Life Coach